The Demure Chaplain

Vegan Chocolate Mousse (or Pudding)

2011-09-10T16:06:00.001-04:00

I have continued to purge and there is, in fact, a gigantic pile of items in my living room which are happily awaiting their trip to the goodwill. I have not photographed these things, yet--I have other fish frying right now (namely some rather important papers which must be completed asap... the list is long, really).

At any rate, last night I was wishing a dear friend safe travels on her move to PA this weekend, and I took a "chocolate mousse" to her going away shindig. A blog of recipes was requested, so I'm starting by posting the recipe I adapted for the "mousse." I really think that we need a communal recipe blog, because I am a particular fan of the food Katie Finklea has made for me, and I'm sure I'm missing out on other deliciousness.

My recipe for this vegan "mousse" is an adaptation of about 6 different recipes I found online, but the main one is this recipe from the kitchn. There's also a delicious recipe on there for banana ice cream.

Vegan Chocolate Mousse
The measurements on these ingredients are approximate, but very close to what I used. (I didn't measure exactly. Your tongue will tell you when it's right.)
4 ripe avocados
6 Tbsp dark cocoa powder
3 Tbsp powdered pure stevia
2 Tbsp raw blue agave
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp Saigon cinnamon

I pureed the avocado in the food processor until all lumps were gone, about 2 minutes. Then add the other ingredients and process until well combined. Viola: delicious.

What was interesting about the flavor to me was that my tongue was completely fooled by the flavor and texture. (The texture really is somewhere between pudding and mousse.) My stomach was not. The pudding/mousse had an avocado aftertaste, something like 5 minutes after consumption. That was interesting. But, it is really delicious nonetheless.

If I can get the coconut milk whipped cream to work (mine was pure liquid last night and did not make it to the party), it will be a delicious paring! I actually suspect a touch of coconut milk as an extra ingredient in the chocolate pudding would also be tasty.

Bottom of the box

2011-05-26T23:54:00.000-04:00

These are the few items that need to
be filed. This is soooo much better
already!

I made it to the bottom of the box! 3/4 of it needed to be shredded or recycled and the rest needs to be filed. It took 3 solid evenings to get through that one box. I want to make a big deal about that because I am constantly holding myself up to a standard that is beyond my human grasp. In my perfection based imagination, I should have had this one little office completely organized/purged/completed in one day. The reality is that it one large box of papers required quite a bit of attention and discernment. There were some papers in that box that truly are important for me professionally, so I needed to go through it item by item. Even if no one is reading this blog (which initially I assumed was the case b/c it's been so long since I utilized it, but have now learned that a couple of people are reading...), even if no one reads, somehow posting this process on the internet both blesses the "slow" work I'm doing and holds me accountable to keep going (i.e. I now have to actually file those important papers in a helpful way and in a timely fashion). The items that need to be filed are in a smaller box that has replaced the giant box.

Before
You can compare the sized of the box & amount of stuff by looking at how much
wall space you can see between the top of the box and the bottom of the self
portrait in this photo and the one below.

After

No progress on purging tonight

2011-05-24T23:35:00.000-04:00

I just got home from dinner out: My lovely friends Jennifer and Artimus treated me to Thai food at SriPraPhai. It was delicious! We sat outside on the back patio and drank wine and talked. It was soooo lovely and I so rarely go out like that in New York. Who has a back patio here? It was spacious, the weather was gorgeous, the temperature was perfect and the conversation was lively. I want to do this more often! We might go to Governor's Island this weekend!! I'll post pictures if we do.

More Shredding

2011-05-24T00:27:00.004-04:00

I found the bottom of the box! I'm not completely through the entire contents... there's still a small stack left, but I'm done for tonight. It'll be very easy to finish it off tomorrow. But, in honor of finding the bottom of the box, I thought I'd show just how much shredding I've done so far (and actually, this photo doesn't show all of the bags). I have a feeling there's a lot more in my future...

Shredding

2011-05-23T12:05:00.009-04:00

Part of what I want to document here is the process of actually becoming a minimalist. The blogs I've read so far sing the praises of how wonderful it has been to become a minimalist--how it has enhanced their lives, how it's socially responsible, how it's economically advantageous, etc. But I've yet to find blogs that describe what it was like to move from having a lot of stuff into the process of decision making and purging. Simply saying "I cut down on the stuff in my office," doesn't actually describe my experience. I did begin to cut down, but let me say it's soooo very slow! I thought I was being easy on myself by starting with my smallest room, my closet sized office, but maybe being easy on myself is more like starting with one box full of papers.

So, I started with just that: a giant box full of papers that needed to be shredded. I'm embarrassed to admit that I found items in there with dates from 2007 on them, and here it is 2011. That means those items moved with me from Georgia to New York, and then moved at least one more time from Brooklyn to Queens. Alas.

And this item, I can't believe this is here-- not even sure how it got here. This is a note written in either my grandmother's handwriting or my great grandmother's handwriting, concerning some size and price of something for my mother. It is of no material worth, nor sentimental worth (unless for the handwriting--but I don't even know whose it is!) so it is clearly garbage. I think it's worth noting, though, because clearly my tendency to hold meaningless things longer than they're useful is not just of my own making. This was written in 1968, I was born in 1977, this is 2011, and somehow this meaningless note has made it all the way to Queens. For heaven's sake!

At any rate, I got half of the box shredded. At least, I think it's half... We'll see how long the rest of the box takes. Baby steps. I'm trying to be satisfied with small steps because I can't do more than that. It feels like a pretty overwhelming task when I look at my whole apartment, but I can handle looking at this one box. And I have to say, even though there are two boxes stacked in the hallway where I pulled this box, that hallway already feels more open and spacious without this one box.

Minimalism

2011-05-21T16:06:00.008-04:00

Through what feels like a random series of events, I have been introduced to the concept of minimalism. Now, I've seen some blogs on extreme minimalism and have watched some youtube videos of tiny houses, and this is way beyond my hopes. I feel claustrophobic just watching that! But, pairing way down is definitely my goal. I don't have a moral/political motivation right now like environmentalism or a rejection of consumerism. I don't have any particular theoretical motivation at all. What I have is a need to feel less overwhelmed in my life in general. I struggle with concentration and take adult ADD medication. I find my messy living space a difficult environment for focusing. But maintaining a clean space might be much easier if I didn't have as much stuff. There's no place for it in my NY apartment. When I had 1600 sq feet in Atlanta, it was easier to ignore. I'm in 650 sq feet here, which I think New Yorkers consider sizable. I'm trying to change my thinking about, for instance, the size of my office. It's ridiculously small in my mind. But, maybe it's just small for the amount of stuff in it. Let's see if that can change...

Writing

2011-05-18T13:57:00.004-04:00

I think writing should be a four letter word. I hate writing. I have never enjoyed writing. I know some people who think of writing as an artistic outlet, similar to drawing, painting or sculpting. I personally see no connection. I see much more similarity, in my experiece of writing, to hurtling china plates agains a brick wall. Demolishing china might actually be more fun, though. At least something happens and it's quick and instant. My writing is more like the tires on a heavy old car attempting to pull out of thick wet red clay mud in the south. It's messy, frustrating and sometimes feels impossible. So what kind of career have I chosen? One which requires constant writing.

I'm good at the face to face portion of my career. Really good. And I'm good at being open to constantly learning and striving. I am not good at writing. And that's not completely true, because when I do write, and struggle and thrash about on paper, it does end up becoming pretty good. But I do not find any pleasure in the process. I find continuous surprise at myself that I have been able to do it once it's done. Any tips for finding pleasure in writing? Any other career ideas (other than the inevitable culinary school)?

Ash Wednesday mug shot

2011-03-09T22:09:00.008-05:00

It's been two years since I've posted on here, but tonight seems as good a time as any to post. It's Ash Wednesday and I find significance in receiving ashes on my forehead to start the introspective time of Lent. Wednesdays are very full days each week and I couldn't make it to a church today to get Ashes, but I found two amazing things when I arrived home tonight at 8:30:

1. The Roman Catholic church across the street from my apartment had doors wide open so I could see that it was finishing its spanish language mass. I got in line for ashes and, as my head was pushed back with the weight of his thumb, the priest charged me to "Repent and believe in God."

2. An ice cream truck had the bright idea to park right at the base of the church front steps, so that folks might be able to buy a sweet treat just before giving them up, or go ahead and be the first to break their fast.

Amazing.

Transported

2009-02-25T19:39:00.003-05:00

My commute home from the hospital involves a subway switch, among other things. Switching from the L to the G tonight, I just missed my second train. The swarm of passengers exiting that train ascended and flooded the stairwell that I was trying to descend. I pushed my way to the platform just as the train doors closed and the train pulled away from me. The hum from the rush of the crowd and the rumble of the train faded away to reveal a violinist creating the most amazing music! This young guy was playing a haunting Irish tune that I could feel through my body. I've heard of people making a violin "sing," but tonight I really heard it! The song was so beautiful; I felt it in my ears, my heart, my stomach, my liver, like my soul wanted to escape my body. It went on for a good seven minutes. A train came on the opposite track and its rumble blanketed the sound of his violin, but his body continued to rock and sway with the music he made. And when the train was gone again the violin's cries were the only sound in the station. No one chattered over his craft. When the song ended, he paused and then began to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." I was so disappointed that he traded one soul aching song for something so pedestrian, until I realized that this song, too, haunted me under his influence. He transformed the Metropolitan Station on the G line into an intimate concert hall and when, in the middle of the third song, my train came and the closing doors and train rumble drowned him out, my eyes were moist. I didn't want to leave him. I hear music in this city every day: in the subways, on the streets, from my neighbors' band practicing on the other side of my wall, and from the iPods people turn up to drown out the city and street performers. But this violin wasn't like the noise of street performers--it was like a new mode of transportation.

MOVING!!!!

2008-10-25T14:11:00.004-04:00

Finally, finally, FINALLY!!!!! So, I tried not to complain on here about how nasty Chinatown is, but it's gross. I don't know if you remember hearing how the Chinese government launched a campaign to curb public spitting before the Olympics (http://www.spiegel.de/international/0,1518,403921,00.html), but I didn't fully appreciate that story until living here. People hack and spit all over the sidewalk. They wipe their nose pickings on the glass entry way door of our apt building. They wipe them on the hand rails and anything else that happens to be around. I seriously began to wonder if there's some sort of cultural thing that makes spitting a sign of good health or something because the amount of spit and goobers on our sidewalks is wretched. It is one filthy neighborhood. Plus my Chinatown apartment still has no heat, even though NYC law mandates landlords provide heat from Oct 1-May 31. Today it's fine, but this past week was pretty cold and this coming one is supposed to be even colder.

However, this week I move! HALLELUJAH!!! And Friday I fly home to Atlanta to load a truck and help Rach drive up here with our remaining possessions. We're trying to sell most everything we own, b/c apartments here are sooooo much smaller than the space we had in Atlanta. We'll be living in a "3 bedroom" (which really means 2 bedroom with an extra nook) with a friend (Katie) in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn. If you know Brooklyn at all, this is near Fort Greene, which is not too far from Downtown Brooklyn, Carroll Gardens and Park Slope. We're definitely on the dividing edge between awesome/hip and kind of sketchy, which is what we can afford without feeling frightened. I'm sooo excited! There's a grocery and a laundry mat right below us, laundry in our building, trains are close, a cute thrift store around the corner and Pratt Institute (of art and design) on the next block--which means art supply stores and fun artwork right next door. BAM (the Brooklyn Academy of Music) is very close and word on the street in Manhattan is that they have better performances than you can find in Manhattan now, b/c space is more affordable out there and so that's were the major talent has gone. Have I sold you yet?
It's tiny but fabulous. And I haven't seen a single wad of spit on the sidewalk there yet. :D
(Don't be deceived if you think these rooms look large. That living room/kitchen is only 6 ft wide at it's widest.)

At work, things are chugging along. My Supervisor was out of town this week, so I got to co-lead the group on Wednesday with another first year SES. I really enjoyed it and thought it went well, but man did it take a lot of energy! I was really amazed at how much it took out of me. I felt like my brain was on overdrive, trying to process everything said and unsaid in words and body language, but remaining a calmly present guide. Holy Moly! Surely as I develop more skills and theory, this won't take so much out of me. The hospital work is going well, too. The system is very different and this hospital that is at least twice the size of Northside has only 2 staff chaplains (Northside had 6 staff chaplains, an SIT (that's what I am), and approximately 5 residents and 5 interns. There are no residents in this system. They got rid of that program in exchange for starting an SIT program (which they call SES and SCPE). It's just very different and though we hope to see patients within the first 72 hours of arrival, it's really not possible for everyone to be seen. I enjoy my site, though. I am well. Hope you are too!

2008-10-11T22:43:00.005-04:00

It's been a while. I've been very busy with work and classes, but today I finished assembling all of my written work for my Readiness Consultation. The consultation means that several supervisors (folks who have already accomplished what I'm trying to achieve) review my skills, theology, ability to be present in the moment, etc and then they write a report detailing how ready they think I am, or what areas I need more work in, for progressing in my program. They get a binder full of my materials and on Nov 12 they get an hour with me to pick my brain and emotions. I'm actually feeling pretty confident about it. Ultimately, they can't kick me out, they can just point out what I need to work on--and that sounds pretty helpful.

So, today, as I was traveling to my office to work on my binders, I stopped at the green market in Union Square and found my family!!! (Just kidding) But I did find the Stokes Family Farm truck. I'm a big enough dork that I actually called my dad to see if there was any way these were my relatives. Turns out, no. The family farm is in New Jersey, and our relatives are in Maryland--they've spread out, but not to Jersey. Bummer :P

The Green Market is wonderful. I may have mentioned it on here before, but it's basically all local farmers who drive in to sell their own produce, flowers, herbs, homemade sausage, pretzels, home spun and dyed yarn... have I sold you on it yet? It's fabulous. I bought a homemade tiny sugar free apple pie there today and a pint of no sugar added pear sauce. :D

And, finally, I managed to get all of my work completed and mailed off to my committee members...

Better

2008-09-28T21:52:00.003-04:00

Finally, after three weeks with no way to cook food, I have a kitchen. It's about the size of a normal kitchen in Muchkinland, Oz--which pretty much fits me. We don't have any counter top space for food prep, but I can deal with this. I'm so very grateful for the beautiful blue flame that appears when I turn the knob!

You might be able to see in the picture that we, once again, have the back of the sofa right up to the sink and stove. Either the sofa goes in the center of the room or my roommate's bike, and believe it or not the sofa is more convenient there. We would get a wall hang for the bike if we planned on being there very long, but I'm only in this apartment for one more month. My lease is good there until the end of November, but, drum role please.... Rachel is moving up to NYC!!! She resigned her job in Atlanta and will head this way some time around the beginning of November. Hooray!!!!! So, we're looking for a place in Brooklyn with a pre-installed kitchen! A friend of ours is going to move in with us, which will help all of us afford rent. I'm super duper excited!

NO CHEESE FOR YOU!

2008-09-19T11:56:00.000-04:00

This is just an update on my pimento cheese endeavors. Getting around here is very exhausting as everything takes a lot more effort. Walking every where, even to do laundry, really takes it out of me and I really don't want to carry groceries 10 blocks back to my apartment. So I tried to grocery shop just in my neighborhood (Chinatown).

I feel like a foreigner. No one speaks English. No signs are in English. Fresh fish, dead fish, live fish, dried fish, dried shrimp, fish bones, etc are readily available every three feet-right out in the middle of the sidewalk. I found several little groceries and walked through--there's a lot of bok choy and other green things, fish of course, rice (soooooooooo much rice) and some fruit. That's it. No cheese. No one sells cheese, mayo or pimentos. No one sells loaves of bread. If you know this area and know where I should go, please tell me.

So, I bought a bag of rice, a bottle of soy sauce, a jar of Chinese Five-spice and a bunch of green onions. I'll use my rice cooker, since we STILL HAVE NO KITCHEN! I've taken to making tea by running the bathtub water on the hottest setting. If you've seen season 3 of weeds, where the town has to evacuate their ridiculously posh homes and stay in the excessively lavish evacuation center and they think it's just like the Superdome after Katrina--I'm living like that kind of refugee! Compared to the rest of the world, I'm a spoiled little white American girl, but this 3 weeks of no kitchen feels like camping.

This spoiled little white girl is rather homesick and really want to see Atlanta again soon.

May I have a finger sandwich, please?!!

2008-09-14T15:49:00.000-04:00

Did you know that no one sells pimento cheese in NY? I'm realizing how southern I am in a lot of little ways. The first day I was here, my cousin, Colin, helped me move my stuff into the apartment and then walked me to lunch. We walked what felt like an eternity (though now I walk that much without even thinking about it). We got salads at a little market and picnicked in Tompkins Square Park. It was lovely! I noticed, and continue to notice, that I haven't been bitten by a single mosquito since I arrived. The constant itchy bumps all over my ankles have now healed. In Atlanta, I've been bitten by mosquitoes in the middle of December!
(side note--on my fabulous cousin: So, he not only took me for a picnic in the park and gave me his apartment, he also gave me his futon, bookshelf, dresser and nightstand. I'm sure all of this benefits him in someway too, and I hope it does, but holy moly he's been a huge help!! Giving me the lease alone helped me avoid major move-in deposits and extra costs. Thanks Colin!!!)

My co-workers/bosses in Atlanta sent me a gift basket and had it delivered to NYU Medical Center. My co-workers here were very intrigued by the basket--they said they'd never seen this type of gift before. I found that hard to believe, but it's probably a southern thing. The most perplexing fact for me is that none of these NYC apartments come with air conditioners. You can't rent an apartment in Atlanta without A/C. It's ludicrous to not install central air. But central air isn't included here--you have to buy your own window unit, like buying your own microwave. I didn't even know they still made window units!!

I'm feeling a little homesick, so this week I think I might make some pimento cheese and some bendictine. Bendictine (cucumber spread) isn't sold in Atlanta, either, but I grew up with it in Kentucky and I did make it once in Atlanta--I know, right? Only once. Whatever. I want some finger sandwiches. They're comfortable. They don't require a functioning stove or oven. I think I'll call everyone "ya'll" while I eat them, too.

Everything but the kitchen sink

2008-09-14T14:39:00.000-04:00

I've moved from the poopy place into a smaller apartment in Chinatown. The first apartment was small, as evidenced by these photos. It was a basement apartment and you can kind of see that in the photo of my bedroom:

This photo of the kitchen cracked me up when I first arrived. The kitchen and living room are one entity and so small that the sofa was right up to the cabinets and oven.

I didn't fully appreciate how HUGE the old apartment was. The new apartment belongs to the same landlord and he's just renovated it. He moved "us" into this one to try to make up for the poo and other issues in the basement apartment. The "us" is because I've taken over my cousin's lease and the landlord thinks my cousin, Colin, is still the second in this apartment. I owe major props to Colin, but I'll explain that later.

So, this new place is sooooo new that we had no kitchen cabinets when we moved in, no kitchen sink and the stove and oven still aren't hooked up. I'm not complaining--there is no poo in my doorway and that seems like a really nice thing. It also doesn't have a "dead mouse cabinet," which is also nice. (When I moved in the first apartment, my roommate, Allie, said "don't open that cabinet--we found mice in there so we threw rat poisoning in it and haven't opened it since!" It was the dead mouse cabinet.) I hope you're getting a good laugh out of this!

My other fun fact is that my new bedroom is the same size as my walk-in closet in Atlanta. The futon Colin gave me hits three walls of my room. I have to shut my bedroom door to open the drawers of my dresser. This thing is like a sleeper car! When I was trying to figure out how to make things fit, Allie asked me how I was doing. I said, "I feel like I'm working a puzzle!" She laughed at me and said, "I can buy you a puzzle." It really is tiny. Even the appliances seem like they're specially built for me--the fridge is Leslie sized--it can't be more than 5'3"--I love it b/c I'm only 5'1". The oven and stove, which are still not hooked up, the tub and bathroom sink all look like they came out of munchkin land. I'm sure even goldilocks would find them too small, but for me they're just right! Now, if only we could get the kitchen sink...

Visiting already!

2008-09-05T20:36:00.000-04:00

I actually got to visit patients yesterday and today! Today's visits were mostly follow-ups, but yesterday there were major crises and I engaged them sooooooo well. (Not to brag, of course--I am demure after all ;) The main visit was with a baby and a mommy, in a slightly different condition than what I worked with in Atlanta, but it was definitely a call that utilized my strengths. I find that she travels with me sometimes. She visits me, still.

A lot of folks have asked me whether or not my partner, Rachel, moved to NYC with me. The answer is that she has stayed behind in Atlanta because she needs to stay at her current job a little while longer. For those of you who don't know, Rachel is the volunteer coordinator for an organization in Decatur which attempts to meet the needs of people in Decatur experiencing homelessness (or close to it). She will move to New York when she is able, time TBA. So, no fears! Our engagement is still go! We'll make decisions about the date and place for our wedding once we're a bit more settled in New York. The great part about this move is that New York state will recognize our legal marriage from another state--this is huge!

And tonight Rachel is visiting me! She flies into LaGuardia around 10pm. She's co-officiating a wedding in Conneticut this weekend, so we've reserved a zipcar and we're going to drive to the "country" tomorrow. Isn't that funny? It's so strange to me to call it "country" when it isn't cornfields, muddy trucks, rednecks and shotguns. I'm really looking forward to her visit and to our trip. When I return to New York on Sunday evening, the movers should have done their job and moved my and my roommate's belongings to a less feces laden apartment. Let's hope that happens!

Deemed Demure and other realizations

2008-09-03T20:46:00.000-04:00

I had a really hard time not falling asleep through the day long orientation I endured yesterday. I've been through two days so far of orientation in my new job. Yesterday I was oriented to the hospital at large, along with all of the other new hospital employees. The guy who led the day long orientation, Brett, was extremely energetic. He obviously has not just moved to New York. I had had such a long, exhausting day on Monday and had a hard time going to sleep that night, that I was not super awake on Tuesday. After our lunch break I re-entered the auditorium and Brett hollered "STOKES!!!" as I walked down to my seat. I quietly nodded and said "Hey." He laughed, mimicked me and called me demure. It was quite funny, especially since I don't really think I'm demure. But, perhaps, by NYC standards, I am.

This hospital is so different from the one to which I am accustomed in Atlanta. This hospital is a teaching hospital and a research hospital, which completely changes the focus of the care patients receive. As a chaplain, it's a little troubling.

Today was my first day of orientation to my department and as my supervisor was describing the various departments of the hospital to me I realized how real the threat of mass crisis is here. When he described the protocol for crises, the word was not "if" but "when." This hospital sits on top of four Amtrak tunnels, is 10 blocks from the UN and 9/11 was not that long ago. But they don't just think in terms of violent terrorist crises, they also have dealt with crises like the AIDs pandemic. When it broke out the hospital built an extension building with small apartments and studios so that AIDs patients and their households could move in to receive care through the disease and end of life. That was before the new drugs. Now the building has other uses. But in a city this big, in a hospital this big and an institution focused on learning, chaplaincy seems to be a very different thing. There's more grit to the work here. It's exciting and humbling.

Thank God I found the Kmart!

2008-09-03T20:21:00.000-04:00

Today is Wednesday and I moved to NYC from Decatur, GA on Monday. It's been a crazy adventure already. I really wish I had photos of my arrival b/c it was ridiculous! I had two duffle bags as big as me, a bike box packed with my bike and all my linens, a giant backpack, a laptop bag stuffed with computer and full sized pillow and a large rolling suitcase.

For those of you saying "I thought you were flying on Sunday!" It's true, that was the plan, but I volunteered my seat when the flight was overbooked and got two free round trip tickets on Airtran, one more night at home and I managed to check an additional bag in the morning for free! How fabulous is that?!

I was greeted at my new apartment by human feces in the entry way and that was exciting. That evening some of my friends made drinks, wonderful salads and drove me to Red Hook in Brooklyn. We picnicked in the park with the latin food trucks that sell amazing tacos and other treats. It was fabulous!!! When I returned home, I was greeted again by the poo and also by a giant rat running around the poo down in the cellar level where my tenement apartment is. And I couldn't get my key to work. Good times. Welcome to New York.

But all is well now. This afternoon I rode the 6 train one stop too far when I was trying to find the Union Square farmers market after work. The stop just after it, the Astor Place stop, has a Kmart! I don't really want to shop at Kmart when I have so many other options here, but it does somehow feel like a security blanket to know it's there if I need it. I did find the farmers market, too, which was also fabulous.