Bottom of the box



These are the few items that need to
be filed.  This is soooo much better
already!

I made it to the bottom of the box! 3/4 of it needed to be shredded or recycled and the rest needs to be filed.  It took 3 solid evenings to get through that one box.  I want to make a big deal about that because I am constantly holding myself up to a standard that is beyond my human grasp.  In my perfection based imagination, I should have had this one little office completely organized/purged/completed in one day.  The reality is that it one large box of papers required quite a bit of attention and discernment.  There were some papers in that box that truly are important for me professionally, so I needed to go through it item by item.  Even if no one is reading this blog (which initially I assumed was the case b/c it's been so long since I utilized it, but have now learned that a couple of people are reading...), even if no one reads, somehow posting this process on the internet both blesses the "slow" work I'm doing and holds me accountable to keep going (i.e. I now have to actually file those important papers in a helpful way and in a timely fashion).  The items that need to be filed are in a smaller box that has replaced the giant box.

Before
You can compare the sized of the box & amount of stuff by looking at how much
wall space you can see between the top of the box and the bottom of the self
portrait in this photo and the one below. 



After



No progress on purging tonight

I just got home from dinner out:  My lovely friends Jennifer and Artimus treated me to Thai food at SriPraPhai.  It was delicious!  We sat outside on the back patio and drank wine and talked.  It was soooo lovely and I so rarely go out like that in New York.  Who has a back patio here?  It was spacious, the weather was gorgeous, the temperature was perfect and the conversation was lively.  I want to do this more often!  We might go to Governor's Island this weekend!!  I'll post pictures if we do.

More Shredding

I found the bottom of the box! I'm not completely through the entire contents... there's still a small stack left, but I'm done for tonight. It'll be very easy to finish it off tomorrow. But, in honor of finding the bottom of the box, I thought I'd show just how much shredding I've done so far (and actually, this photo doesn't show all of the bags). I have a feeling there's a lot more in my future...

Shredding

Part of what I want to document here is the process of actually becoming a minimalist. The blogs I've read so far sing the praises of how wonderful it has been to become a minimalist--how it has enhanced their lives, how it's socially responsible, how it's economically advantageous, etc. But I've yet to find blogs that describe what it was like to move from having a lot of stuff into the process of decision making and purging. Simply saying "I cut down on the stuff in my office," doesn't actually describe my experience. I did begin to cut down, but let me say it's soooo very slow! I thought I was being easy on myself by starting with my smallest room, my closet sized office, but maybe being easy on myself is more like starting with one box full of papers.

So, I started with just that: a giant box full of papers that needed to be shredded. I'm embarrassed to admit that I found items in there with dates from 2007 on them, and here it is 2011. That means those items moved with me from Georgia to New York, and then moved at least one more time from Brooklyn to Queens. Alas.

And this item, I can't believe this is here-- not even sure how it got here. This is a note written in either my grandmother's handwriting or my great grandmother's handwriting, concerning some size and price of something for my mother. It is of no material worth, nor sentimental worth (unless for the handwriting--but I don't even know whose it is!) so it is clearly garbage. I think it's worth noting, though, because clearly my tendency to hold meaningless things longer than they're useful is not just of my own making. This was written in 1968, I was born in 1977, this is 2011, and somehow this meaningless note has made it all the way to Queens. For heaven's sake!

At any rate, I got half of the box shredded. At least, I think it's half... We'll see how long the rest of the box takes. Baby steps. I'm trying to be satisfied with small steps because I can't do more than that. It feels like a pretty overwhelming task when I look at my whole apartment, but I can handle looking at this one box. And I have to say, even though there are two boxes stacked in the hallway where I pulled this box, that hallway already feels more open and spacious without this one box.

Minimalism

Through what feels like a random series of events, I have been introduced to the concept of minimalism. Now, I've seen some blogs on extreme minimalism and have watched some youtube videos of tiny houses, and this is way beyond my hopes. I feel claustrophobic just watching that! But, pairing way down is definitely my goal. I don't have a moral/political motivation right now like environmentalism or a rejection of consumerism. I don't have any particular theoretical motivation at all. What I have is a need to feel less overwhelmed in my life in general. I struggle with concentration and take adult ADD medication. I find my messy living space a difficult environment for focusing. But maintaining a clean space might be much easier if I didn't have as much stuff. There's no place for it in my NY apartment. When I had 1600 sq feet in Atlanta, it was easier to ignore. I'm in 650 sq feet here, which I think New Yorkers consider sizable. I'm trying to change my thinking about, for instance, the size of my office. It's ridiculously small in my mind. But, maybe it's just small for the amount of stuff in it. Let's see if that can change...

Writing

I think writing should be a four letter word. I hate writing. I have never enjoyed writing. I know some people who think of writing as an artistic outlet, similar to drawing, painting or sculpting. I personally see no connection. I see much more similarity, in my experiece of writing, to hurtling china plates agains a brick wall. Demolishing china might actually be more fun, though. At least something happens and it's quick and instant. My writing is more like the tires on a heavy old car attempting to pull out of thick wet red clay mud in the south. It's messy, frustrating and sometimes feels impossible. So what kind of career have I chosen? One which requires constant writing.

I'm good at the face to face portion of my career. Really good. And I'm good at being open to constantly learning and striving. I am not good at writing. And that's not completely true, because when I do write, and struggle and thrash about on paper, it does end up becoming pretty good. But I do not find any pleasure in the process. I find continuous surprise at myself that I have been able to do it once it's done. Any tips for finding pleasure in writing? Any other career ideas (other than the inevitable culinary school)?